Sorry I'm Late, I Didn't Want to Come Quotes by Jessica Pan (2024)

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“Social anxiety is a completely normal experience. We are social animals. We want to be accepted by our peer groups and we do not want to be rejected. If people do not have any social anxiety, something is seriously wrong with them.”
― Jessica Pan, Sorry I'm Late, I Didn't Want to Come: An Introvert’s Year of Living Dangerously

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“I’m in search of something more than a new place, though. I’m in search of a feeling and a state of being: that magical time when you can’t possibly predict what’s going to happen next or whom you are going to meet or where they are going to take you. In this state, everything flows, every surprise is a delight, and new people guide you to special adventures.”
― Jessica Pan, Sorry I'm Late, I Didn't Want to Come: An Introvert's Year of Living Dangerously

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“Loneliness, on the other hand, has no age bracket. I used to think that exciting countries could keep you happy and warm on novelty alone. Now I know: you can move to Paris, delight in the city, drink your cafe au lait, but no matter how pretty the buildings and balconies are, eventually you're going to find yourself hugging the lamp posts for company like you're in Les Miserables.”
― Jessica Pan , Sorry I'm Late, I Didn't Want to Come: An Introvert's Year of Living Dangerously

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“I had a lot of time to sit around and ponder: what did I really want from life? Really, I wanted a job, some new friends who I felt truly connected to and more confidence. Was that so much to ask? Surely not. So what were other people out there with jobs and close friends and rich, fulfilling lives doing that I wasn’t? Eventually, and with mounting fear, I realised: they were having new experiences, taking risks, making new connections. They were actually out there, living in the world instead of staring out at it.”
― Jessica Pan, Sorry I'm Late, I Didn't Want to Come: An Introvert's Year of Living Dangerously

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“On the phone, Nick Epley had told me that he thinks that society, in which individuals are more isolated than ever before, would be happier if people talked to each other and made small connections when it’s easy to. When you’re both waiting in the same queue for twenty minutes; when the plane is delayed, you’re stuck at the gate, you’ve already listened to four podcasts and you’re admiring the shoes of the woman sitting next to you and want to tell her about something you just heard on Radio 4 but feel weird about it; when you want to ask the person eating lunch on a park bench where they got their delicious-smelling curry – maybe just do it. Most people will enjoy it.
And if you’re game to really talk, head into Deep Self territory. But don’t, say, grab a book out of someone’s hands and ask, ‘So, when was the last time you cried in front of someone else?’ (Trust me on that one. Although this question has been tested by Nick and will get you into fertile Deep Talk territory real fast.)”
― Jessica Pan, Sorry I'm Late, I Didn't Want to Come: An Introvert's Year of Living Dangerously

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“A man in his thirties raises his hand. “But people don’t always want to share their personal feelings and life, right? Some people might hate that.” Mark turns to him. He tells him, sure, maybe, but the fear of being intrusive is hugely exaggerated. The more important point is this: what we should actually fear is being boring and dying having never connected with anyone. Then he stares at all of us, meaningfully, and says it again, slowly. “The fear and bleak reality of being boring and dying having never connected with anyone is vastly underestimated.”
― Jessica Pan, Sorry I'm Late, I Didn't Want to Come: An Introvert's Year of Living Dangerously

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“A dinner party is social and unpredictable and requires juggling many things at once—all things introverts aren’t crazy about. For me, it meant so many anxieties to be addressed in one evening: fear of cooking bad food (a rational fear—I regularly burn dinner), fear of being held hostage by guests (how do you have an exit strategy in your own home?),”
― Jessica Pan, Sorry I'm Late, I Didn't Want to Come: One Introvert's Year of Saying Yes

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“Good friends, family, and some vague acquaintances were sitting on my bed--which was incidentally the very place I usually went to escape from those good friends, family, and vague acquaintances. I had nowhere to hide. They were here for a party. How long until they left?”
― Jessica Pan, Sorry I'm Late, I Didn't Want to Come: An Introvert's Year of Living Dangerously

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“I hate flakiness, and I blame the Facebook ‘Maybe’ button,” she tells me. “It’s not OK to say maybe and see if something better comes up. I believe in saying a solid yes or no because it’s polite. Saying no is hard but ultimately makes you a better person. For example, I’ve been invited to lots of parties (which is so nice!), but I am saying no to lots of them because I simply don’t have time. It’s not rude; it’s being honest.”
― Jessica Pan, Sorry I'm Late, I Didn't Want to Come: An Introvert's Year of Living Dangerously

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“Deflated from my bus failures, I decide to go for some low-hanging fruit. I walk up to an unfamiliar barista at a local café. I can do this right? I’m just talking to the nice man with the coffee.
‘You’re new! I say confident that he has to answer because being friendly to customers is part of his job.
‘I’ve worked here for three years,’ he replies.
The customer next to me laughs.
A small part me of dies.”
― Jessica Pan, Sorry I'm Late, I Didn't Want to Come: An Introvert's Year of Living Dangerously

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“I bring up the problem I’ve been having: I can’t seem to get past small talk. I’m not having any of those amazing connections: it’s just the weather, or what’s your dog’s name, or what do you do. Or who’s the Queen.
‘Just the weather?’ Nick sounds disappointed. ‘Can you do it better?’ he asks.
Of course I could do it better. If I were someone else. But I’m abysmal at this – I don’t know how to do it better.
‘You need to self-disclose more. Share more about yourself. Ask them personal questions.”
― Jessica Pan, Sorry I'm Late, I Didn't Want to Come: An Introvert's Year of Living Dangerously

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“All of this ‘offering up something personal’ made me feel the old clammy twinge of fear of rejection.
Then Nick reminds me that social life is governed by reciprocity.
‘A few years ago, I was driving through a remote part of Ethiopia and I kept passing all these mothers and children outside their mud huts. Everybody I passed stared at me like I was dead: totally blank facial expression. It was the most uncomfortable I’d ever felt in my life.
‘But then it occurred to me, while I was sitting there, I was looking at them in exactly the same way they’re looking at me. So I started smiling and waving as I went by – and it was like I flipped a switch. As soon as I started smiling, waving and looking friendly, they started waving from their windows, grinning at me and running out of their houses to give me high fives.
‘That’s the truth of the world, Jessica,’ he says, casually full-naming me to let me know something big is coming.
‘Nobody waves – but everybody waves back.’
I hear his mic drop all the way from Chicago.”
― Jessica Pan, Sorry I'm Late, I Didn't Want to Come: An Introvert's Year of Living Dangerously

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“I walk with purpose through the halls and see a well-dressed, intimidating man in his sixties, alone. I’m nervous about talking to him, so I hover near him and he keeps walking past me. Finally, I decide to bite the bullet. I jump out of the corner at him like a nightmare.
‘Hi, I’m Jess,’ I say. ‘Where do you live?’ Suddenly, hearing my voice aloud, I’m aware this is both a basic thing to say and also – depending on how you hear it – a terrifying thing to say.
It turns out that Malcolm lives in a beautiful quiet square that I run by most days.
Disclose something about yourself, I hear Nick’s voice in my ear. Ask him what you really want to know.
‘I peek into the windows of those houses nearly every day,’ I say. ‘With the massive kitchens that extend into courtyards and the amazing gardens at the back. I pretend to live these sometimes. I’ve always wanted to know, is that the best place to live in the entire world?’
‘It is,’ he says.
He walks away.
No one said this would be easy.”
― Jessica Pan, Sorry I'm Late, I Didn't Want to Come: An Introvert's Year of Living Dangerously

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“Honestly, I’m kind of happy having permission to dive right into more interesting territory because I have a very real allergy to small talk. I don’t want to discuss jobs and the weather and how people’s commutes are. Introverts tend to hate chit-chat (it’s an awkward social interaction, but also meaningless and unrewarding), but this kind of enriching conversation that Mark is referring to is incredibly rare and hard to come by, something I had already found out on the streets of London.
We’re told that we can engineer conversations to be more emotional and interesting by understanding that we all have a ‘Surface Self’ and a ‘Deep Self’. The Surface Self talks about the weather, facts, what we had for dinner, our plans for the weekend. The Deep Self talks about what these these actually mean to us and how we feel about them.”
― Jessica Pan, Sorry I'm Late, I Didn't Want to Come: An Introvert's Year of Living Dangerously

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“For the second part of class, Mark tell us that sharing our vulnerabilities and insecurities is the quickest way to make a real connection with someone. Most people want to boast about their lives, but this leaves people feeling jealous or resentful.
‘It’s not that we want others to fail, but we need to know that our own sorrows have echos in other people’s lives. That’s what connects us. Strength may be impressive, but it’s vulnerability that builds friendships,’ Mark says.”
― Jessica Pan, Sorry I'm Late, I Didn't Want to Come: An Introvert's Year of Living Dangerously

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