Helluva Boss/Hazbin Hotel, What If? - Chapter 52 - RavenDragon643 (2024)

Chapter Text

Another day at I.M.P., another client to please. Loona and Evangeline were in the office while Blitz and the others were out on a killing mission. Evangeline was looking over some files while Loona was reading a magazine called "IMP GOSSIP" with Verosika Mayday on the front page and drinking out of a glass bottle. She places the bottle on an open page of Stolas’s Grimoire, and it rolls off the table. The page of the book glows and creates a portal to the human world. A tree falls through the portal, along with a severed head. Moxxie peers out of the fallen tree, carrying a chainsaw.

Blitz and Barb walked inside, still buzzing from their latest kill. Millie crawled like a crab after the twins, still all jazzed up from slaughtering those lumberjacks. “Ahh! I’m still so jazzed up!” Millie shouted.

Moxxie tossed the chainsaw aside, “Well, you better stay jazzed up, babe. Cause guess where I’m taking you tonight.”

"Don't you dare finish a filthy pun in my presence Moxxie. Besides, drinks are on me tonight. Let's hit up the new dive down the street," Blitz suggested.

‘Actually Sir, it’s our one-year marriage anniversary. So, I’m taking Millie out to Ozzies in the Lust Ring.” Moxxie said with excitement.

Millie’s eyes lit up with joy, “Ozzies?! No way! That place is always booked.”

“Yeah well, I’ve been planning it for quite a while,” Moxxie confessed.

“Ozzies, huh? I’ve got a date there tonight as well.” Barb stated.

Blitz nearly had a heart attack, “A date?!” he screamed, “With who?!”

“Oh. Just an imp that I met on Sinstagram, named Vesper. He asked me out.” Barb answered.

Blitz insisted on tagging along but Barb told him not to show up. Even Moxxie said that this reservation for him and Millie was just for the two of them. But Blitz ignored their pleas then he marched out of the office. “Oh, this is gonna be a disaster,” Barb muttered.

After work, Moxxie and Millie were already in the elevator that would take them to the Lust Ring. Barb managed to catch the elevator just in time. The three of them were unaware that Blitz had snuck onto the elevator and was now joining them in the Lust Ring. Upon their arrival in Lust, Millie and Moxxie were the first to enter Ozzies. Barb waited in the rain for her date while Blitz watched from the alleyway to see who Barb’s mystery date was. Just then an imp showed up and handed Barb a bouquet. She blushed then she took his hand and they walked into Ozzies.

The imp was dressed head to tail in what can only be described as clothes straight out of 1885. He wore a striped vest with red and dark grey lines going down. Underneath was a red dress shirt with the sleeves rolled up with a western-style bowtie. On his belt were two holsters, both having revolvers within them, along with a bronze belt buckle. His pants had silver studs going down the sides with a grey line, and his shoes looked like they came out of a bargain bin, with rope near the heel. His tail itself was no different from any other Imp. Only his had a vertical line where the end of it met its actual length.

His hair was in a widow's peak and looked nearly white except where the widow's peak was, where some yellowish hair looked to be coming in. He also had a huge white scar going up the right side of his cheek, nearing his eye. His black and white striped horns were curved at the back, going from up to down to up again. He wore fingerless gloves with a black onyx ring on his index finger, but his arms were most interesting. On each arm, bandages were covering his wrist up to his elbow. To say the Imp was an interesting sight, would be an understatement.

Blitz tried to sneak into the club, but he got stopped by the bouncer who stated, “No date, no reservation, no entry.”

Blitz tried to flirt his way into the club but that only got him flung into a dumpster. He then made a call to Stolas who thankfully answered the call. “Hey, Stolas. You up for a fun night?” Blitz asked.

“Blitzy? What about Spiroz and Helia?” Stolas asked on the phone.

“Just have one of your imps watch them for a few hours. How fast can you get to Lust?”

“I can be ready in twenty.”

And just like that, Stolas ended the call. Blitz waited and waited for about twenty minutes until he saw a portal open up and Stolas walked out of it. He was wearing the same outfit from their first date. “Wow. Been a while since you wore that.” Blitz commented.

Stolas chuckled, “Figured I would freshen up. After all, this is our first night out alone since the twins were born.”

The two of them walked hand and hand into the club. Stolas expresses his amazement, "Oh, MY! Oh no; no, but yes!"

Looking around, he can see the place is like a dinner theater restaurant with tables for the guests and a stage at the front, showcasing the establishment's name in lights. The interior is lit by a large chandelier of blue flames with a floral design, along with other blue floral lanterns on the walls and at least one chimney out of glass in which blue fire burns. On top of the chimney is Lounge seating. Tied to the room's ceilings are cages that glow blue, which are used to confine performers. The restaurant also hence a pink tone and a blue contrast, and it bears a resemblance to modern-day clubs with the same lighting and types of entertainment.

The two continue to walk around until they find a seat with the waiter setting the table for them. The waiter places some books on one of the chairs turns to Blitz and snaps his fingers. Blitz then sits down on the stack of books. “Blitz, how romantic. What made you choose this place?” Stolas asked.

“Oh, it just sounded like I thought we’d have a blast,” Blitz stated.

He then pulled out a pair of binoculars and spotted Barb sitting at another table with her date. Stolas went ahead and ordered some of their favorite wine then he tapped on Blitz’s arm to get his attention. “Blitz, what’s wrong? You have that ‘spying on your employees’ look.” Stolas asked.

“Barb is here on a date. And I’m just making sure that this guy is good enough for my sister.” Blitz answered.

Stolas gently removed the binoculars from Blitz’s hands and told Blitz that he could ensure that Barb had everything under control. Tonight is their date night so Blitz shouldn’t worry. Blitz decided to let this one go and enjoy the night. Unfortunately, their night just took an ugly turn for the worse. Blitz heard an all too familiar voice up on the stage which confirmed his worst nightmare, Fizzarolli. “Welcome, welcome, to Ozzie's: Lust ring's number 1 place for all kinds of sick twisted fantasies. Put on display for all you 'Sleaze' and 'Sleazettes'. The gem joint of Asmodeus himself! C'mon, give him some LOVE!” Fizzarolli shouted.

“Did he just say Asmodeus?” Stolas asked.

“Oh no f*cking way!” Blitz said then in a panic, he covered his face with a menu.

To make things worse, Blitz saw his ex-girlfriend Verosika here at the club. She was performing here at the club with two other acts. Fizzarolli took a sip of his drink and then continued, “But, as everyone's warming up, I got a funny one for y'all: Did any of you hear about the bat sh*ttery that happened at Loo-Loo-Land?”

Everyone minus Millie, Barb, Moxxie, Stolas, and Blitz laughed at Fizzarolli’s joke. “Ha ha ha! Oh, yeah Oh, wow. I'll tell you what: I'd sure love to shake the hand of the crazy son of a bitch who decided to burn down that off-brand sh*thole and then slap a fat subpoena in it, 'cause I am VERY MUCH looking to sue!” Fizzarolli stated.

Stolas and Blitz looked away, trying not to get caught. “That Robo me made us more money entertaining those kids than the ones we sell to get you freaks off if you know what I mean,” he explained before giggling maniacally.

“Oh, I know what you mean! I have four of them!” A random fan shouted.

FIzzarolli looked uncomfortable then he spoke into his hidden mic to tell security to keep that fan far from him. He then turned to the audience, “So, without wasting any more time, our little opening act is a fresh one! Coming at us from a little imp from the wrath ring, give it up for Moxxie... with no creative stage name whatsoever.”

Moxxie got out of his seat with his guitar before kissing Millie on the cheek. Moxxie went up on the stage just as Fizzarolli went to the VIP section where Asmodeus was. Moxxie planned to sing a special song for Millie to celebrate their anniversary. But that was gonna backfire and blow up in his face. He played his guitar and sang the most cringiest love song. Blitz looked like he wanted to stop Moxxie from making a fool of himself. Even Barb flinched at Moxxie’s song, knowing that this wasn’t going to end well. During the song, everyone looks with a confused look on their face. Millie is just touched by the song playing.

Fizzarolli makes a devilish grin on his face and turns to the other demon. Even Asmodeus narrows his eyes towards Moxxie. Soon the smoke machine activates and hits Moxxie directly. Soon, the scene is filled with pink smoke and hearts. It's like no one has existed except Moxxie and Millie. But suddenly, the smoke turned blue, and then two voices and silhouettes repeated 'I love you' from Moxxie's song in a mocking tone behind him. One of them is Fizzarolli, and another is the demon beside him. They mock Moxxie and begin laughing. Just then, a shadow of a demon more than ten feet tall appears behind the smoke, Asmodeus. Fizzarolli climbs on his shoulder.


You singing love songs in my lustful lounge?

Fizzarolli jumps off and leans toward Moxxie.


Ozzie's ain't the place for sentimental sounds!


What'd you expect from a proprietor like us?

Moxxie steps back to see a large figure in front of him and bonks his head with the microphone in the process.


Your demon host, Asmodeus, the embodiment of lu-u-u-u-u-ust!

The smoke cleared to reveal Asmodeus, the King of Lust himself.


Give me a thrust

Fizzarolli trumpets. Moxxie pulls the collar of his shirt, nervously being confronted by the large demon.


You show me some lust

Fizzarolli trumpets again.


From the groin to the bust, in desire we trust, in the House of Asmodeus



Asmodeus then lays on the ground in front of Moxxie with his hands curled and supports his head.


Little Imp, you came here to sing your serenade

Perform your feelings on a velvety stage

Then he lays on his back and lifts his leg. And then flips himself back up.

Well, we got a saying that's popular in these parts


Only little bitches strum the strings of their hearts!

Moxxie tries to sneak away, but Fizzarolli coils him up with his robotic arm and spins him around like a top.


You wanna hang around this lustful town?

Fizzarolli then slithers onto Asmodeus' shoulders. Then Asmodeus stops Moxxie from spinning for him to face him.

Ditch the lovey-dovey before we knock you around

He pushes Moxxie down on stage. Millie quickly stands up from her seat in concern.

Here we sing about wants and desires

Then Fizzarolli stretches Moxxie and lifts him in the air.



He pulls one of the cages with a dancer inside.



Then another cage from the other side.


Loins hotter than fire!

Then the dancer breathes fire, making Moxxie ducked his head. Fizzarolli has a small pitchfork that allows the fire to roast the marshmallow as he wears pink striped window heart-shaped glasses. Then blows out the fire on the marshmallow. Asmodeus then grabbed Moxxie and pulled him close to him.


So give me a thrust

Show me some lu-u-u-u-ust

He then slides his finger under Moxxie's chin and has him pressed against his chest. Moxxie is able to push himself away with his legs and falls on stage.

From the groin to the bust,

Asmodeus lifts the tip of his boot under Moxxie's chin and lifts it.

Little Imp, you just must

In the House of Asmodeus

Asmodeus begins to dance on the pole on stage while Fizzarolli throws money at him.

Come on, sing us a so-o-o-o-ong!

Make sure the subject is getting it on

He then leaned towards Moxxie.

Make it graphic and tactfully long


Be sure to rhyme "thong" and "schlong"!

Fizzarolli is wearing reading glasses as he has an open book in his hand.


Go ahead, the mic's on

Asmodeus taps twice on the microphone as Fizzarolli gives Moxxie back his guitar. Moxxie feels very nervous as Asmodeus and Fizzarolli have Moxxie in the spotlight, waiting for him to sing a Lustful song. And still nervous, Moxxie begins to play his guitar.


I want to…


Yeah, what do you want? Butt stuff? Piss play? Bondage?

But Moxxie sings his song the way he wants it.


Make gentle love to you

Asmodeus and Moxxie are not pleased with Moxxie's response.



What a limp-dick imp, you're really killing the vibe

Asmodeus taps Moxxie on the head and makes the Imp dizzy.

Get a load of this dweeb and his unsatisfied bride!

Fizzarolli points at Moxxie as the audience laughs and makes fun of him. Barb was about to stand up for Moxxie but Blitz beat her to it. “Hey now, I've watched those two pork many times," Blitz said.

That caught Moxxie by surprise and exclaims in shock, "What?! Blitz?!"

“And honestly, they make missionary look, relatively exciting” Blitz added.

Moxxie makes a disgusted look on his face. Just then Fizzarolli saw Blitz and things got ugly.


Is that Blitz-O? So you're showing your face?!

Hey, everybody! This guy's a total disgrace!

The spotlight shines on Fizzarolli, but then shines on Blitz, blinding him.

Some nerve you've got to comment on a relationship

Last I checked, your love life is a pile of sh*t!

Fizzarolli got up in Blitz’s face. “News flash, jester. I’m married and I have kids. So, f*ck you!” Blitz shouted.

His shouting got Verosika’s attention and then she joined in the roast.


Oh Blitz-O

I used to date him (date him, date him!)

“Oh Verosika, you’re here.” Blitz muttered.

I'd stroke and I'd fella*te him

(fella*te him, fella*te him!)

She then slides on the table and laws down on it, and everyone goes crazy, cheering and taking pictures.

Yeah, but when it was my turn

(your turn, your turn!)

He did no reciprocatin'

(what a dick bag!)

Verosika shoved Blitz against the wall of the stage and towered over him.

A selfish imp in the sheets

And just as bad in the streets

Stolas stood up in concern for his husband.

A reckless, heartbreaking freak!

Stolas was about to speak but Asmodeus and Fizzarolli spotted him. "Who's that at the table? Is his date a demon prince?" and Fizzarolli brings out his binoculars.

"Stolas, is that you?" Asmodeus questions.

Wally Wackford then spoke out drunk, “Are you married to an imp?!”

Suddenly Stolas is now the center of attention forced back into his chair and forced to hear these hurtful remarks.


Wooo! My dark lord, how the mighty do fall

Just then, Asmodeus walks over to Stolas as the spotlight shines on him. Then Fizzarolli turns towards Blitz, startling him. Stolas wants to get himself and Blitz away from the scene. He gets up from his seat and he tries to reach Blitz, but Asmodeus grabs his wrist and pulls him back to his seat.

You used to have a smoking wife

He then made an illusion of Stella appear.

A kid. You had it all

Then does the same with an illusion of Octavia, stunning Stolas.

I hope you didn't give it up, so you and him could get it on

Asmodeus then has Stolas turn to see the illusions disappear as Fizzarolli places Blitz down on his seat.

You sold your life for a thrust!

Stolas feels so ashamed and humiliated that he hides himself behind his menu. Blitz is shocked to see Stolas's reaction and he feels so ashamed that he got his husband caught in the middle of his drama.

Now that's the spirit of lu-u-u-ust!

Fizzarolli uses his robotic arms to make a heart behind Asmodeus. Soon, the two perform on the runway together.

Grab your groin or a bust

Prepare to get your hair mussed

Pretend you don't see that crust

Hump 'til your junk turns to dust!

Then cannons appear on both sides of the runway fire and let out what seems to be fireworks.


In the House of Asmode-e-e-e-

Millie interrupts the verse by smacking Fizzarolli on the head with Moxxie's guitar. “I think you were trying to sing something for me, Mox,” she said, handing him the guitar.

Moxxie smiled and then went back to singing his song for Millie. Asmodeus tends to a knocked-out Fizzarolli. Moxxie and Millie were just being themselves. Moxxie continued with his song while Asmodeus and Fizzarolli shared a cuddle mocking the couple and Verosika drank a cup of wine. Moxxie and Millie lean in for a passionate kiss while the audience applauds. Stolas looked at Blitz who seemed humiliated. Stolas reaches his hand towards him to comfort him, but Blitzø pulls his hand away from Stolas. “You know what? This was a mistake. Alright, let's just -- let's just leave.” Blitz stated.

Stolas nodded in agreement, seeing how his husband was upset. He and Blitz left the club, still in pain. Asmodeus yelled at Millie and Moxxie to get out of his club, so they left too. Stolas portaled him and Blitz back home to the manor. Stolas tried to tell Blitz that they could recover their date night with a movie and some cuddling. But Blitz told Stolas that he wanted to be alone tonight, so he was gonna sleep on the couch. Stolas respected his husband's wishes and then left to check on the twins. Blitz found a note from Loona that said that she and Octiva went to a party that Vortex invited them to.

Blitz slumped onto the couch and pulled out his hellphone. He unlocked his phone and opened his photo album which opened with a photo of him, Moxxie, Evangline, Millie, and Barb all together in the office during Evangline’s first day in Hell. He scrolled through more photos on his phone; the photo from his and Stolas’s wedding, the day they adopted Loona, Moxxie, and Millie joining I.M.P, the twins' birth. There were even some photos from when Blitz was a clown; one where he and Fizzarolli were teens from Mammon’s show, one where it was him, Fizzarolli, and Barbie as kids.

He stopped at the photo he had of him and Barbie as kids and there was a beautiful female imp who was their mother. His eyes filled up with tears then he cried into the pillows.

Helluva Boss/Hazbin Hotel, What If? - Chapter 52 - RavenDragon643 (2024)


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